Why I Shall Never Get Married

“Married men live longer than unmarried men, but desire to die a lot sooner.” (Johnny Carson)

 

Plain and simple, married men are fools.

Among the many stupid things a man can do, getting married ranks fairly close to the top. It doesn’t get much stupider than that. And I might as well remark that this rather unconventional stance of mine is based on observation alone – not in the least on prejudice. It shouldn’t be too hard, I believe, for anyone to realise what married life is really like.

Yet I see men falling into the nuptial trap all the time, one by one, as though they were unable, or unwilling, to draw for themselves the pretty obvious conclusions about the step they’re taking, as reflected by the hard reality. It is as though nearly all of them were completely blind to what’s actually going on in the world around them.

Today about half of marriages end in a bitter divorce that takes a huge toll on the parts involved, both in terms of health and sanity – not to mention finances. Even when it doesn’t get to that stage, marital life hardly ever remains frictionless, and a heavy emotional toll is usually still exacted on a daily basis.

To me, hardly anything is more important than preserving my peace of mind. I wouldn’t want to give it up for all the riches in the world. When a man gets married he’s basically placing that most precious asset of his in the hands of a woman, hoping for the best. If that doesn’t amount to being a darn fool, I don’t know what does.

Sometimes it looks as though men take the considerable trouble to get married, and then, in due time, to divorce, for the mere sake of keeping themselves busy, so as not to get too bored with their life. Arguably, they could find better ways to employ their time and energy.

I can understand that there is often a natural desire for security in a man, specially with the latter part of his life in his mind – but unfortunately that desire is also mostly bound to meet with disillusion. There is no way to get real security in life, because life is fundamentally insecure. Your wife may divorce you, cheat on you, mistreat you, and basically anything could happen. Life hardly ever takes the route you’d expect.

The same applies to offspring. If you are hopeful that your children will care to look after you in your old age, you haven’t quite looked well enough at what’s actually happening today. If you do, you’ll see that people care always and only about the money, regardless of relations. They may put up some pretence, of course, but one can easily see through the cheap veneer.

Fair to say, if you are a happy exception to the above, feel free to rejoice, and maybe point that out, but you should then honestly acknowledge that your case isn’t the rule.

Since there is no reliable way to upgrade the intrinsic insecurity of life, however much we may strive to achieve that goal, I deam it much better to embrace insecurity, and come what it may of it. Why sacrifice something of real value in our lives for the sake of a conventional and false sense of security?

Moreover, I don’t believe in paying a price in terms of fundamental things like my freedom, for acquiring anything whatever under the sun – I just don’t.

I often see these newly wedded couples with child strolling lazily at the shopping mall – typically an overweight, unprepossessing woman accompanied to a very miserable looking man. What on earth made that man think giving up his life for such drudgery was a sensible thing to do, I cannot possibly say.

But what’s most unbelievable to me is how a man can be such a sucker for the misguided belief that the woman he’s happily marrying today will be the same woman five, ten, or twenty years from now. How can anyone be such a fool? She’ll soon be a very different beast, pal! Just look around you, have you no eyes to see?

In fact, if there is one peculiar thing about women that has always baffled me tremendously, it’s the uncanny way they change as they age – how your average adorable teen can morph into the most insufferable bitch, or even a downright abominable monster, given enough time to ravage her looks and character.

I virtually know no exception to this rule, as far as my personal experience goes. I’m aware, though, of notable exceptions in the wider world, and I like nothing better than a woman who remains adorable throughout her life, but, man – are they rare!

Men change too, to be sure, but never seem to go through that sweeping, ungodly transfiguration that one often sees taking place in a woman. They usually remain to a large extent recognisable to their old pals as they age.

A possible explanation to this puzzling phenomenon I believe could be found in the fact that, while men often retain some of their childhood’s innocence and playfulness into their older years, women usually lose it completely. Although, of course, this is a very unscientific speculation of mine – albeit one I feel fairly certain about.

The fact is, almost all women in my wider family have in due course turned into miserable, greedy bitches – their coarse nature fully and faithfully reflected in their ugly faces, and especially in their eyes. I also see their men quietly tagging along in a tame disposition, wholly brainwashed in their women’s often mean, self-centred drivel.

This reflection essentially explains why I never wanted to marry, and never will. Put it simply, I’ll have nothing to do, long-term, with a woman. I know all too well that she’ll be someone else before I know it (or she knows it, for that matter), never mind how much I may like her in the present.

However badly we may want sometimes to believe in something special happening to us, reality will crush that dream every time.

As far as I’m concerned, I’d rather remain a bachelor for the foreseeable future. It may get lonely sometimes – admittedly more than I would wish – but, sure enough, I shall gladly retain my life and my freedom instead of trading them for some dubious company.

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9 Comments

  1. Man, you sound so jaded. To me, it’s sad to hear that you’ve had such consistently negative examples of females in your life. I’ve had a more varied sample.

    You deciding to remain a bachelor for life is your choice. Clearly, it isn’t worth it if the cons outweigh the pros. I will not try to sway you, but I will say that people marry for various reasons. While not of them are good reasons, or even logical, they are still THEIR reasons. I marvel at it too, sometimes.

    Women might change, but so do males. Life experiences are largely to blame. You can never really be sure which side of the dice you will get. But that’s the nature of many things in life. Refusing something just because it MIGHT not turn out alright is not a very good reason. But your sanity definitely is.

    You mention “bitchy” women and their obeying husbands. I wonder about this, too. But there is a lid to every pot. I guess in a way they balance themselves out. Not that I would understand it.

    Like

  2. I always love your posts. They are so entertaining to a 77 year old woman who has been married to the same man for almost 56 years. We are both happy. I am not just guessing at that he has told others that. And by the way both of us have aged gracefully and still look good for our age. And by the way I know a great many men who have turned into curmudgeons while the women have mellowed. I don’t doubt in today’s world the odds of staying married as long as us is unlikely due to the changes in society. But love that has lasted the test of time is worth having. I am married to my lover, my best friend, my companion and the best man I have ever known. I am sorry that you and many others will never experience that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always glad to entertain you. And also glad to hear you’re among my exceptions. I’d be tempted to say that a few are lucky enough to find lasting love, but I suspect it may not be entirely down to luck. Attitude matters also.

      Liked by 1 person

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